Burn out

I suppose it’s not without irony that the scripture chosen for the 220^th General Assembly comes from Isaiah 40, specifically about those who wait on the Lord having their strength renewed. After a long day yesterday and another long day ahead before I leave for home, I am weary. Weary in body, mind and spirit.

Suffering with a head cold, constant congestion, and the occasional deep chest cough to dislodge something what can only be described as ‘disturbing, my body is worn out. I had hope to exercise a bit while here, but as it is I haven’t had a good night’s sleep that wasn’t medically induced, and I haven’t had an ounce of spare energy to go run, or find the bike in the fitness center. I have been eating, but not overeating. Some of the food has been good- even great. Some of it has just been fuel. At this point I just want to be back in my own kitchen.

The number of items considered both in committee and in plenary (for those of you still scratching your head about that term it’s what we call the big sessions with all 600+ commissioners from across the country) has been considerable. But it isn’t just the content of the business, it’s the parliamentary procedure, the substitute motions, the amendments. Trying to follow just what we’re voting on and what it really means has been dizzying at times.

For a gathering of the church that is bathed in prayer, filled with music and acknowledgement of God, I haven’t really been feeling it. That isn’t meant as a criticism of those leading it, or the people who have put considerable effort into making this a worshipful Assembly. The worship experience at Hot Metal Bridge was awesome. I have been listening to my Pray-as-you-Go podcasts. I think it’s just that the toll on my body and mind are sapping my spirit as well. The behavior of my fellow commissioners is also not bringing out the best in me. I know that they are my brothers and sisters in Christ, but the process and the way some use it makes me want to take tweezers and pluck what little hair I have left out of my head, one by one. Thankfully, my faith is not grounded in what I feel. I trust that God is in and at work through all things regardless of my ability to see or perceive that presence. More than anything, these days spent jockeying with words and one another have created a stark contrast with the mission trip that I took a couple of weeks ago with the high school students in our church. I guess I’d just rather be acting out of my faith than I would be talking and talking and talking about how to do that best. Yes, the talking is important. I’m just not convinced it’s this important. To me it looks like you can pretty much order the joy out of serving God’s mission and living into the Good News of God’s new creation that is brought to life in Jesus.

Yesterday saw us take up consideration of the future of Mid-Councils. ‘Councils’ is the new term for a governing body. Like a Russian doll, the levels of governance for Presbyterians fit into one another from small to large. The council for a church is called the session, it’s composed of a pastor and the elders elected by the congregation. The next level up is the Presbytery, which is a regional gathering of congregations and the pastors who serve them. The next level up is a grouping of presbyteries in a larger geographical region and is called a Synod. Synods are mid-level councils. Like most mainline institutional churches, the PC(USA) is worried about declining membership and available cash. With that worry comes the question of sustaining these mid-councils and re-evaluating the role they play in our mission. The main suggestion was their elimination. That didn’t happen, although I really couldn’t tell you what we did instead. I think we’re going to keep figuring out the role these councils play in the life of the church.

There were a host of Social Witness statements passed about everything from for-profit prisons to corporal punishment in the homes. These are largely meaningless statements. They make the people approving them feel good about how the denomination is taking a stand on a particular issue.  They provide fodder for the critics who look for any excuse to run down the assembly. Beyond that, no one in the larger culture cares. If a prophet takes a symbolic action in the forest and there’s no one there to see, hear or care- does the action mean anything?

Finally, there was the divestment question. Divesting ourselves from Caterpillar, Motorola, and Hewlett-Packard because they (supposedly) profit from non-peaceful pursuits, aiding the Israeli occupation of the West Bank. It was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG debate with a substitute motion advocating a more constructive path of positive investment and engagement. That ultimately passed, but it came back up and took another hour to get past the next morning. By the time we had finally cleared all the efforts to bring it back up, it had taken another 60-80 minutes. So an Assembly that was already behind on its docket fell further behind, and I find myself caring less with each passing minute-long statement made from the floor. God help me!