Burn out

I suppose it’s not without irony that the scripture chosen for the 220^th General Assembly comes from Isaiah 40, specifically about those who wait on the Lord having their strength renewed. After a long day yesterday and another long day ahead before I leave for home, I am weary. Weary in body, mind and spirit.

Suffering with a head cold, constant congestion, and the occasional deep chest cough to dislodge something what can only be described as ‘disturbing, my body is worn out. I had hope to exercise a bit while here, but as it is I haven’t had a good night’s sleep that wasn’t medically induced, and I haven’t had an ounce of spare energy to go run, or find the bike in the fitness center. I have been eating, but not overeating. Some of the food has been good- even great. Some of it has just been fuel. At this point I just want to be back in my own kitchen.

The number of items considered both in committee and in plenary (for those of you still scratching your head about that term it’s what we call the big sessions with all 600+ commissioners from across the country) has been considerable. But it isn’t just the content of the business, it’s the parliamentary procedure, the substitute motions, the amendments. Trying to follow just what we’re voting on and what it really means has been dizzying at times.

For a gathering of the church that is bathed in prayer, filled with music and acknowledgement of God, I haven’t really been feeling it. That isn’t meant as a criticism of those leading it, or the people who have put considerable effort into making this a worshipful Assembly. The worship experience at Hot Metal Bridge was awesome. I have been listening to my Pray-as-you-Go podcasts. I think it’s just that the toll on my body and mind are sapping my spirit as well. The behavior of my fellow commissioners is also not bringing out the best in me. I know that they are my brothers and sisters in Christ, but the process and the way some use it makes me want to take tweezers and pluck what little hair I have left out of my head, one by one. Thankfully, my faith is not grounded in what I feel. I trust that God is in and at work through all things regardless of my ability to see or perceive that presence. More than anything, these days spent jockeying with words and one another have created a stark contrast with the mission trip that I took a couple of weeks ago with the high school students in our church. I guess I’d just rather be acting out of my faith than I would be talking and talking and talking about how to do that best. Yes, the talking is important. I’m just not convinced it’s this important. To me it looks like you can pretty much order the joy out of serving God’s mission and living into the Good News of God’s new creation that is brought to life in Jesus.

Yesterday saw us take up consideration of the future of Mid-Councils. ‘Councils’ is the new term for a governing body. Like a Russian doll, the levels of governance for Presbyterians fit into one another from small to large. The council for a church is called the session, it’s composed of a pastor and the elders elected by the congregation. The next level up is the Presbytery, which is a regional gathering of congregations and the pastors who serve them. The next level up is a grouping of presbyteries in a larger geographical region and is called a Synod. Synods are mid-level councils. Like most mainline institutional churches, the PC(USA) is worried about declining membership and available cash. With that worry comes the question of sustaining these mid-councils and re-evaluating the role they play in our mission. The main suggestion was their elimination. That didn’t happen, although I really couldn’t tell you what we did instead. I think we’re going to keep figuring out the role these councils play in the life of the church.

There were a host of Social Witness statements passed about everything from for-profit prisons to corporal punishment in the homes. These are largely meaningless statements. They make the people approving them feel good about how the denomination is taking a stand on a particular issue.  They provide fodder for the critics who look for any excuse to run down the assembly. Beyond that, no one in the larger culture cares. If a prophet takes a symbolic action in the forest and there’s no one there to see, hear or care- does the action mean anything?

Finally, there was the divestment question. Divesting ourselves from Caterpillar, Motorola, and Hewlett-Packard because they (supposedly) profit from non-peaceful pursuits, aiding the Israeli occupation of the West Bank. It was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG debate with a substitute motion advocating a more constructive path of positive investment and engagement. That ultimately passed, but it came back up and took another hour to get past the next morning. By the time we had finally cleared all the efforts to bring it back up, it had taken another 60-80 minutes. So an Assembly that was already behind on its docket fell further behind, and I find myself caring less with each passing minute-long statement made from the floor. God help me!

The Fight

I’m breaking from my daily format and stepping back to share some thoughts on all that’s happened so far this week. Plus, after reading yesterday’s entry, I think I slipped into a bunch of incomprehensible insider jargon that made my eyes glaze over when I read it.

So a couple of weeks ago, as I was getting preparing for the Vacation Bible School our church was going to offer, I got a call from one of the denominational affinity groups. The woman on the phone was explaining the role this group would be playing at the national gathering of church folks. She told me that there would be daily opportunities to gather with them to hear about issues that were coming before the assembly. These were invitation only events, she added. Oh, the temptation. I was being invited to be an insider, to huddle together with ostensibly like-minded people so that we could advance a particular agenda. Given what I’ve seen this week, I feel even better about my decision to decline that invitation.

What I’ve seen is people huddled around tables, consulting phones for texts from other allies in the cause of like-mindedness. I’ve seen people wearing their badges and tokens of like-mindedness. And as they huddle together, strategizing, they speak of their opponents using labels: liberal, evangelical, orthodox, apostate. Making it worse, this is all happening under the guise of faith. It is baptized in prayers that are belied by the conversations that follow. It would be embarrassing if it weren’t so terribly depressing.

Looking at these strategic machinations, it’s hard to distinguish this gathering from the civic political process. We’re supposed to be trying to listen and act on God’s will for us, but instead it looks like rival parties vying for control and victory. When winning the vote becomes that important, it’s pretty clear that the church has already lost.  The people who populate our pews, the people who send bring their kids to Sunday School, the people trying to understand their own story in light of God’s story, the people who want nothing more than to be faithful disciples of Jesus Christ deserve better from us.

The other night I got to spend time with an old friend who belongs to a splinter denomination in another Christian tradition. That wouldn’t be my choice. But then we have made a lot of different choices. There is much about the way he leads his life and lives his faith that I admire. It makes me take a closer look at my own life and faith. Ultimately, though, I know him. He is my friend. The passion he brings to his faith inspires me, even if I don’t necessarily share certain positions. He is more than my friend, he is my brother in Christ. We don’t have to share governance, political opinions, or even theological positions. We still share the only like-mindedness that matters: the mind of Christ Jesus who

though he was in the form of God,

did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited,  but emptied himself,

taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.

And being found in human form, he humbled himself

and became obedient to the point of death-- even death on a cross.

Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name,

so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess

that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

When we lose that humility that the Apostle Paul calls us to in favor of the fight, I’m afraid we lose far more than a vote on the floor of a church council that in the great sweep of things matters very little. Because the things we decide this week aren’t nearly as important (nowhere in the vicinity of being as important) as how we decide them. We’ve got to do better. The way we do better is to stop trying to win and approach one another in love and humility, resting in the Grace and Mercy of God, which is the only thing that can save us.

This morning’s plenary was opened with words from Rabbi Gil Rosenthal who said this, “people who do not speak to one another do unspeakable things to one another.” Amen, and amen.

220th General Assembly – Day 5 (Independence) Day

I awoke this morning to the realization that my roommate had not returned in the night. It concerned me, considering that I knew he was assigned to the committee on Middle East issues. That committee had worked until 11 p.m. the night before. I was afraid to know how late they may have been asked to work to prepare their recommendations for the plenary session. Then I noticed that none of his stuff was in the room- a detail I had missed before going to bed the night before. I had a ticket to attend the breakfast sponsored by the Presbyterian Publishing Corp. so I got up and got going. It was there that I ran into my roommate. His pastor had arrived at the Assembly in the role of alternate and he explained that he would be staying with him. I guess that means I get the room to myself.

Our committee convened for about 90 minutes to review the video summarizing the actions coming from each of the committees to the plenary sessions for the remainder of the week. The notable actions include a recommendation to disapprove the work of the Mid Councils task force calling for the elimination of Synods. This is good news to those in the Synod of Lakes and Prairies. Our Synod serves a vital role in resourcing a number of Presbyteries that cover a vast and largely rural portion of the country. While Synods may not be as necessary in those parts of the country with higher population density, ours has been extremely helpful in its training of Committee on Ministry and Committee on Preparation as well as in the coordination of our varied and cooperative ministries.

Other notable business being taken up by the plenary session include approval of the overture to change the definition of marriage from “a man and a woman” to “two persons.” We will hear the recommendation of a new, more accurate translation of the Heidelberg Catechism and (once again) the inclusion of the Belhar Confession as part of the Book of Confessions. We will hear the approval of MRTI’s recommendation to divest from Caterpillar, Hewlett Packard, and Motorolla in consideration for their non-peaceful business with the State of Israel in its occupation of the Palestinian West Bank. There was little discussion among our committee and concluded our time together with prayer before breaking for lunch.

I attended the lunch held by my seminary alma mater, Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. There were a few people in the room whom I recognized, but I felt a little self-conscious about my presence there. About a year and a half ago I requested that APTS send me no requests for money. My reason was my objection to the way APTS had allowed itself to be extorted by the United Methodist Church. In an attempt to “create a more diverse campus” the Board of Trustees limited the consideration of faculty candidates for 4 of their next 5 hires based on race and gender. I strongly disagree with the fairly outdate notion that discrimination can be overcome by practice of the same. In fact is was that champion of the Civil Rights movement, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who said we do not cast out darkness with more darkness. Lunch was fine. Ted Wardlaw, the school’s President, is an excellent speaker and the presentation on their newest capital campaign was put together well. I guess it makes me a little sad to feel like an outsider. It was my own action that put me there, and I recognize that. Truthfully, outside of the few friends that I made there among the faculty and classmates, I never was ‘on the inside’ at APTS. I have no legacy connections through the Synod or denomination, no connection to development dollars that might find their way to such a campaign. It doesn’t surprise me that the institution itself has little interest in me. I’m too much trouble.

When we finally convened for the plenary session, it was opened with the big news of the day. The Vice-Moderator in response to the contention surrounding her selection announced her decision to step down. Her selection had generated a considerable amount of criticism, including my own. What’s disappointing is that in praying after this action, our Moderator conflated the words “dissention” and “division.” Not having read all that was circulating in criticism of the Vice-Moderator, I can’t characterize what was being said. Certainly the usual suspects, like The Presbyterian Layman, are known for using inflammatory language with a kind of sinful glee. But dissent IS NOT necessarily divisive. It is the right we extend in recognition that God alone is the Lord of the conscience. The dissent over the Vice Moderator’s selection was legitimate. In her comments she defended her action by claiming a pastor’s heart. What she neglected to name was that she need not be a Teaching Elder to act pastorally, but she used the privilege of her ordered ministry to violate the constitution that grants her that privilege. Her violation was not the equivalent of pastoral jaywalking. It was a violation of a principal that is currently creating great turmoil in the church. Her failure to recognize that, and to act anyway, if anything demonstrated a serious lapse in judgment and profound blindness in discerning the whole body of the church on this matter. Her proposed replacement is a Teaching Elder from Colorado Springs who happened to be on my committee, so I got to know him a little this week. Actually, I got to know a little more than I wanted to- he was one of those who had a lot to say during the committee work.

We then began hearing business from committees and got our first substitute motion in response to a recommendation concerning the payment of per capita from Presbyteries. An overture had been submitted allowing Presbyteries to pass along only those per capita funds paid to them by the congregations in their Presbyteries. The committee recommended disapproval with comment. The substitute motion sought to offer a cap on per capita passed along as a percentage of the presbytery’s overall budget. The substitute motion failed. The rest of the procedures’ report was approved.

Next up was the business from the Committee on the Confessions of the Church. Todd Jones from First PC, Nashville was the moderator of that committee. Encounters with Todd bookended my time in the Presbytery of Middle TN. At my reception into the Presbytery, Todd challenged the lack of ‘Father’ language in my Statement of Faith. Right before I left for Sioux City, I was asked to preside at the funeral of a woman whose family attended the church Todd pastors. He came to that funeral in pastoral support and was extremely generous to me in his comments to me afterward. He even called the next day to offer any help he could as I moved into my new call.  Recommendations to approve the new translation of Heidelberg and to include Belhar were both sustained. There was debate about Belhar, a confession from the Reformed church of South Africa in response to the division created by apartheid in the church. It was sent out for consideration by the last GA, and while it was approved by a majority of presbyteries, it fell short of the 2/3^rd required to change the Book of Confessions.

The dinner break was filled with heated conversation about the vice-moderator’s decision to step down. I sat with a friend whose conservative cadre were in electronic consultation with a Presbyterian leader who has renounced the PC(USA) for the new ECO that he helped create, getting his take on the replacement vice-moderator. Facebook was filled with stunned reaction at the goings-on. I guess from the ground level here in Pittsburgh, I’m having trouble seeing how it makes one bit of difference in the execution of our mission other than to serve as a dramatic distraction for people who really have better things to be doing. Let’s get on with what we’ve got to do!

There wasn’t much meaningful business transacted in the evening plenary. There was a 30 minute exercise in trying to make a mountain out of this mole hill, but thankfully we weren’t subject to a descent in overwrought handwringing at the microphones in 2 minute increments. Phew! The order for the evening is fireworks. So I’m going up on the roof to witness the spectacle. Far more satisfying than the fireworks created by petty partisanship.

220th General Assembly – Day 4

After a much better night’s sleep the day began with breakfast at a great greasy spoon, Hanlon’s, where I had the Irish Eyes- two eggs over medium served with corned beef hash and potato pancakes. If they had air conditioning, I don’t think it was on. It was all good. I went in search of a Starbucks to have coffee for the morning’s work. No such luck. But when I arrived, some kind and anonymous soul had placed an Odwalla orange juice and Dayquil cold medicine at my place on the committee table. It was a true blessing.

We quickly dispatched two other overtures seeking to re-introduce fidelity and chastity language into the ordination standard. We were then taken into a discussion on the overtures asking for freedom of conscience for councils. The motion to disapprove was passed. Freedom of conscience is a Presbyterian principle for individuals allowing them the right of dissent. It does not extend councils the right to disobey the will of the majority as expressed in the constitution. A comment was added to the disapproval that recognized the fear of some councils that they could be disciplined for applying fidelity and chastity standard to candidates. One of the effects of the change in the standards of ordination was NOT to mandate the ordination of openly gay candidates. What it did do is to require that ordaining councils take responsibility for discernment of each candidate before them without creating narrow categories of prerequisites. It’s too easy to create a checklist without truly engaging the individual candidate before an ordaining body. Ordered ministry does not fit into the cookie cutter.

We moved on to the overture to allow Presbyteries to set their own ordination standards. I made to the motion to disapprove. That motion was sustained, then we broke for lunch. I’m not one of those people who goes looking for lunch company and am just as happy to eat alone with a book. But today I found myself with one, and then three lunch companions. Two of them were members of the committee. The third was a pastor from Memphis named Brian that I remember meeting during a First Call event in Nashville. We wandered a bit, but found a great place to eat called Six Penn. Some tasty onion rings were ordered for the table. Then I ordered a sandwich with banana peppers that were stuffed with a meatloaf on a brioche roll. It was messy, but very good. We had to hustle to get back for afternoon session where everyone was eager to get the remainder of the business done.

We did get it done. Not at the expense of debate, there were still opinions shared. There were a couple of people who spoke to just about every issue. Still we moved through the items quickly. I faded at first as my lunch caught up with me. But then the fog lifted and soon it was time to conclude our time together with the celebration of the Lord’s Table.

It was so nice to have a free evening and to get away from the work of the Assembly for a little bit. I got to re-connect with friends from my long ago days at Carnegie-Mellon University. On the way back from dinner, my friend Karl took me through the old Squirrel Hill neighborhood where I lived back in the day. We stopped on the CMU campus. Still looks the same, though much has changed and expanded. Walking past Margaret-Morrison and the College of Fine Arts building was a little like stepping back into a nearly forgotten memory. It’s been a little over 20 years since I was last there and it took me a long time to reconcile myself to the way that chapter of my life ended. But tonight it felt okay. I may not have ended up where I hoped I would be when I was 20. What I know now (that you can’t know at that age) is that we never really end up where we think we will. We end up where we’re supposed to be- where God would have us and use us to advance what God is up to in the world. It can take awhile to come to terms with that, especially when things don’t go the way we want. It is as true of God’s church as it is with our individual lives. Sometimes it helps to take the long view when we’re in the midst of difficult times.

220th General Assembly – Day 3

The breakfast speaker this morning was Brian McLaren, who always does a good job of pointing the church toward its future. For us that means embracing an identity centered less on conflict, distinction and superiority and more on the common passion of a global Christian community. He also gave a helpful framework for understanding how movements and institutions serve one another.

Then it was on to the first committee meeting of the day, where we opened by establishing some agreed upon principles of a committee covenant: one speaker at a time, fully listening before jumping to respond, agreement not to use divisive or hostile language in characterizing another point of view. In short, principles that would kill political talk radio and cable news ratings.

Then came the open hearing portion of the day, where individuals wishing to speak for or against overtures coming before the committee have 90 seconds to speak their piece. We heard from gay men who had been blessed by the change in ordination standards that allowed them to serve and share their gifts. We heard from a pastor who, while acknowledging his same-gender attraction does not act upon it because he believes that scripture is clear in stating that if he were to do so, his eternal soul would be in peril. We heard from Mark Achtemeier- an evangelical who has had a profound and notable change of heart regarding his view of homosexuality. We hear from a pastor, who once offered my mom great comfort when she was unsure of my direction as a young man, that said that because it can’t be proven or demonstrated that God created homosexual persons that they don’t exist- a strange assertion given the testimony of others that we heard from. One speaker made the following assertion, “we do not come to know Jesus outside of the witness of the bible.” The problem with that statement is that yesterday, in Sioux City’s Mid-City park, members of our church reached out to a woman in a wheelchair who was coming through the park. They invited her to join them for lunch, they helped her get home and even carried her up stairs to get her to her apartment. Did they read the bible to her? I don’t think so. But their love and action showed this woman the love of Jesus. I believe she came to know something about him in what they did.

Following the open hearings we heard presentations from overture advocates and concurring Presbyteries. These had slightly longer to speak(2 minutes). After awhile it all starts to run together. The same arguments, the scriptural citations with no opportunity on our side to question the presenters.

What’s interesting is that some of the same people who were decrying ‘local option’ as they saw it counseled by the Task Force on Peace, Unity, and Purity are now advocating for that freedom in restricting who they ordain.

I spent lunch walking to Noodles and Co. and concluding, with some surprise, that there are a ton of people who still smoke! Now granted, I have a head cold that is wanting to move into my chest so I may be particularly sensitive, but I couldn’t walk down a single block without encountering the noxious odor of cigarette smoke. Contrast this with the fact that I counter three separate General Nutrition Centers within blocks of one another. Although to be fair, there wasn’t near the foot traffic into those stores as there was lit up and spewing carbon monoxide while waiting for the bus.

We returned to our first two votes. One on a recommendation to change the terms teaching and ruling elder back to Minister of Word and Sacrament and Elder. I’m quickly learning who is enchanted with their own opinions and feel compelled to share their every thought. It was an interesting discussion and in all fairness I spoke against the change. I’m reminded of a recent change in our worship service. Since my arrival we had been singing the same sending song. It was a good song. Everyone knew the lyrics. They knew the lyrics so well they may have long since ceased to take those words to heart. So I asked our music staff if they knew of any other songs that might be appropriate. Well, you can guess what happened. We changed something, and as soon as we did there was a contingent of people in the congregation who wanted to change it back. It’s our nature to revert to the familiar and distrust what is new (or in the case of the terminology that is really quite old, what is new to us). Thankfully, the overture to go back was defeated and the committee recommended disapproval of the overture to the GA.

The second action was quickly dispatched, a question was raised about a change at the last Assembly. The Advisory Council on the Constitution offered and answered. The committee recommended the approval of that answer.

We were then supposed to move on to small group discussion about some of the overtures when a change in the agenda was proposed. What I observe is that there are some people who want to control everything and think they know better than those who spent considerable time putting the agenda together and attending to the flow of business. Always an armchair quarterback or two in the group.

We moved on to a really productive and respectful small group discussion of the overtures that we’d be taking up in the evening and next morning. The group, although varied in its thinking, universally acknowledged that it was the kind of conversation we wished we taking place in the larger church, especially with those who are talking about leaving. At one point I believe we uncovered one of the fundamental differences that exists. A gentlemen by the name of Bill spoke of the Authority of Scripture in the process of discerning candidate qualifications. There are three identical overtures put forward by three different Presbyteries naming the reality that there are different interpretations of scripture. He challenged that notion, saying that scripture was pretty clear. I offered my own Barthian take that when it came to Authority that Jesus Christ is the One Word of God we have to hear and obey. What that means is that I approach scripture through that Christological lens. Equally, I advanced an idea that my understanding of the bible is Nicene. That is, it is the authoritative witness to what God is speaking through the discernment of the church by the power of the Holy Spirit. It is both inspired of God, and the product of human hands. He countered that he considered it the inerrant product of God (which sounds a little Docetic to my ears). Docetism is the early heresy of the church that Jesus, while fully God, was only ‘putting on humanity’ and not fully human. In the interest of peace, I kept that opinion to myself.

The dinner break saw me make a bee-line to the CVS for some Ny-Quil. Then back to my hotel room for a phone call to my family. They are clearly having a great time. In an effort to feed this cold, I tracked town the Primanti Bros. in Market Square for a Pitts-burgher. This is a Pittsburgh institution- although, in all honesty, the original location is in the Strip District. It’s a meal between two thick slices of white bread: meat, cheese, coleslaw, and fries. To eat it right, you’ve got to douse it with the hot sauce sitting on the table. I never had one when I lived here 23 years ago. Now I have. I don’t need to have another. But it was alright, and much needed calories, outside, on a pleasantly warm summer evening. The only thing better would have been an ice cold beer. However, I thought that might be counter-productive to my current physical state. I returned to the evening’s business with a fully belly. Unfortunately my energy was rapidly diminishing.

No matter, we dived right in. A motion to approve the three concurrent overtures was made and seconded, quickly followed by a substitute motion to reinstate fidelity and chastity language to the ordination standard. Much parliamentary gymnastics ensued. In the end we took over two hours to sort out and defeat the substitute motion (which cannot be reconsidered) and then subsequently recommend the concurrent statements with an amended amendment and a comment. Phew! I have a date with Ny-Quil. G’night.